My Feminism

     There is much happening under the banner of feminism these days that is repugnant. Women behaving badly does not more them forward, it does the opposite. Calling for violence, bullying those who disagree, omitting women who don't fit a particular platform of ideas; none of those behaviors advance the cause of feminism. Hating men, male bashing, and false accusations of assault; those don't help either. 

     To me feminism is all about freedom and responsibility. For example:

Freedom to choose a life's path, whether it be at home rearing children or pursuing a career in corporate America.

I am tired of the career women judging the family women for their choices. Women need to stop judging one another in all areas (clothing, body type, sexual behavior, etc.), but I never understood this one. Does a woman who prioritizes child-rearing really deserve less respect than one climbing the corporate ladder?

Freedom to reproduce or not without government encroachment, including the use of all available forms of birth control and abortion (I draw the line at the first trimester.)

Having control over her own reproduction is essential. Birth control should not be an issue in this day and age, but until some churches get out of the Bronze Age, I'm afraid we'll keep hearing about it. Christopher Hitchens used to talk about the Catholic dogma on birth control by saying that the church "believes AIDS to be bad, but not as bad as condoms." 

Freedom to pursue without limit, any career of her choice, without fear of discrimination or expectation that standards be altered for her gender (if standards exist, she must meet them).

A woman should be able to follow her dream to be anything she wants to be, however, she should not expect her field of choice to make concessions of standard for her. For instance, if a firefighter needs to be able to carry a 200 lb. person for 100 feet, then that is the standard for the profession and should be applied regardless of gender.

With this, compensation for a job should begin equally and afterwards increase, or not, based on merit alone. Hiring and compensation should be gender-blind. Equal output = equal compensation.

Freedom to express her sexuality as she chooses whether it be monogamously, poly-amorously or not with the person or persons of her choice whether they be man, woman or both; that the double standard and judgement be eradicated. A world where parents hope that their daughters have fabulous sex lives just like they do their sons. 

Entire religions have been fabricated to sanction the repression of women's sexuality. Some ritually and brutally perform genital mutilation on girls to insure purity: this is despicable on every level and should never be tolerated.  Men are often unconsciously petrified of the sexual power of women. I understand that evolutionarily speaking, men want to insure that it is their seed/DNA that gets propagated to the next generation. As society developed they decided that repression was the best way to handle that issue. Now, it just seems silly. Women hold most of the sexual power. We are built to enjoy sex and so we should; whenever and however we see fit so long as all participants are consenting adults!

What a great time it will be when slut-shaming is no longer tolerated, when women can seek out as many experiences as men have historically sought; and when fathers encouraged their daughters to pursue satisfying sexual relationships instead of trying to keep their virginity intact like it is some prize. 

That all said, women should love and respect themselves enough to be very choosy as to whom they share their bodies, and to not treat themselves as a cheap commodity. Being physically intimate is special,  and should be valued, as should the participants.

Responsibility for her actions and how she treats others:

Showing respect to all men, women and children is tantamount here. This means withholding judgement of other women based on body size, wardrobe, make-up usage or lack thereof, sexual promiscuity, or abstinence, etc. It means no male bashing too. 

Responsibility for her independence:

Women should know how to, and be able to support themselves, by themselves, when necessary; not only financially, but also emotionally, psychologically and physically. Self-sufficiency is a cornerstone of equality.

Responsibility for emotional and psychological honesty in all relationships: 

If your man cheats on you with another woman, don't go after the woman; go after your man. His behavior is all that should be of concern to you if you had agreed upon fidelity. Become emotionally evolved enough to not be threatened by other women. Own your own relationships.

Be supportive of other women and encourage them to achieve. There is room enough for everyone. Jealousy and envy have no place when equality is completely embraced. 

Women need to treat other women well and stop being petty. Emotional maturity increases as reason and logic increase. 

I don't hold much hope that women can evolve to such a state of being in my lifetime. Here's an example: In order to take care of my elderly mother, I am currently working in the service industry and I hear the vitriol that women spew about each other all the time. Women gossip and cut other women down all the time. They also don't support other women very well. I have asked all the other servers at my restaurant this question: If two groups walk into the restaurant at the same time, one all men and one all women, which group would you prefer to serve if you could choose? Without fail they choose the group of men.  This is because men, as a rule, tip better and they don't spend several extra hours at their table which stalls a server's income. If they do stay longer, they pay for the time they took up by tipping at a higher percentage. A majority of women, especially when dining in a group, often tip inappropriately and rarely compensate a server for his/her time when they hold up a table. My question to women: Why? (Note: the exception to this is when one or more of the women in the group have been a server.)

Equality means equal. Equality is just. It does not mean that one gender has preference over  the other in any instance. It's a level playing field. We all have the brains and ability we need to be equal!