Dining Alone

Category: Food and Restaurants

Today I managed the Sunday Brunch at work and when I was through with my shift at around 6:30 this evening, I decided that I wanted to take myself out to eat. Myself. that's it. Just me. I do this semi-regularly and it is always an interesting experience. Not everyone can do it. I don't know if it takes moxie, self assurance, or just the pure enjoyment of eating, which, after all is the "other" sensual pleasure available to us in life.

I have, on occasion, been ignored when dining alone. Some hosts and servers seem to have difficulty wrapping their heads around the concept that someone would eat at a restaurant sans companionship. It makes them uncomfortable! How funny is that? Their role doesn't change. They must simply do their jobs like they do countless other times each day they work. What is it about a solo diner that throws people off their game?

I wonder if the restaurant folk are concerned that a person is lonely? They may be. Or they may just find themselves needing to grab a meal when their significant other is away, or busy. Or perhaps, they had a rough day and want time to process things so that they don't have to bring their troubles home to their families. Maybe they are in town on business and need to eat. Or perhaps, they just want to treat themselves to a nice meal that they would not or could not prepare for themselves.

Now, since I have been "taking myself out to eat" for most of my adult life, one would think that I would get it. I do. And in fact, over the years as I have become more and more comfortable with eating out alone, I find myself in the role of putting others at ease with it. It's no big deal to me. But, I make light and instead of saying "One" as I am greeted, acknowledge or sometimes stared at with bewilderment by the Host, I usually smile brightly and say something like, "I'm flying solo tonight!" in a very perky voice. It's amazing how something so simple can remove a look of concern as they ponder where to put just one person.

You would think that seating one person would be easy. It's not. Personally, I never understood why it seemed to throw them off. But that was before I became a server and restaurant manager myself. You see, no server wants a "1-top" because they won't make as much money from one person as they would from a party of 2, 4 or more. That is a a truth. However, as a server, I have on several occasions so far, and hopefully many more to come, been enriched by taking care of my "1-tops."

A person dining alone is rare. As a server who often dines alone, I recognize this, understand both sides, and take advantage of it. It's much easier to engage a solo diner in conversation. I always ask what the occasion is that brings them out on their own. This is usually all that is necessary to hear all about their business trip or that they are "bach-ing" it for the night, or that the kids were driving her crazy and she just needed to have some solitude in the adult world. These are fabulous opportunities to have a very real human connection in an otherwise superficial venue.

When I am in the dining seat, I also attempt to engage my server. Some are put off by this and some jump right in and welcome the connection. I have had some really good conversations with wait staff over the years. Some people serve because they need money, some because they have no other skills, some because they love the social nature of the job, or a combination of these or other factors.. It is easy to find out with a smile and few friendly questions. If the server is open I will watch as my curiosity about them brightens their mood. When that happens, we both have a good experience.

The other thing I do as a solo diner is make sure that my presence in a server's section is worth their while. In other words, I am a good tipper. I never leave less than 20% when dining alone. And when I revisit a place, this is then known about me and it changes how I am treated and perceived.

Tonight, I was in the mood for Italian and took myself to a relatively new place that I have been wanting to try: Mambo Italiano. My next blog will be my version of a restaurant review of my experiences there not only as a sole diner, but as a food lover.